Jim Carrey’s metaphysical children’s book is a thing now

‘It’s called How Roland Rolls, and if you wanna know about it, it’s at Roland, at howrolandrolls.com, and I’m gonna self-publish, ’cause that’s just the world right now and I think it’s cool, and it’s gonna be beautifully illustrated, and it’s a story about a wave named Roland, who’s afraid that one day when he hits the beach, his life will be over, but when he gets deep, he’s struck by the notion he’s not just the wave, he’s the great big wide ocean. So it’s a metaphysical children’s book and it deals with a lot of serious things in a really fun way, and I think kids are gonna like it and parents are gonna go to bed feeling a little safer.’

So sayeth Jim Carrey – noted metaphysicist, courter of Emma Stone and sometime arse-speaker – in an interview with HitFix, ostensibly to promote his latest cinematic exploration of the hidden chasms of the soul, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, which only seems like it should have been directed by Terrence Malick, because of all the metaphysics.

This is seemingly the first mention Carrey has made of the book he has apparently written to answer all of the most pressing metaphysical questions facing children in 2013, questions like ‘what happens when I die?’ and ‘who is Jim Carrey?’ Obviously there hasn’t been a publisher’s press release or anything, ’cause that’s just the cool way the world is right now, even though all these publishers are bugging him day and night, but you wouldn’t know them, they live two towns over.

As a result, further information is scarce, because, in a masterful exercise in abstract thought worthy of the star of The Number 23, those who want to know about the book will not actually find any information at howrolandrolls.com, unless they’re also interested in buying that domain name from GoDaddy, in which case they’ll find everything they’re looking for. The book does appear to be written in rhyme, unless Carrey’s pairing of ‘notion’ and ‘ocean’ is just, like, the universe looking out for him and junk, brah.

It remains unclear, then, how the book will affect parents such that they ‘go to bed feeling a little safer’, but the best guess is likely that, having been reminded of Jim Carrey as a concept, they decide to fall asleep watching one of Carrey’s more mature works that already do ‘deal with a lot of serious things in a really fun way’, like The Truman Show, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or Batman Forever.

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